This is a poem from the poetry book I’m working on. I believe that nothing could be more perfect or beautiful than your unique interpretation and experience, that is what I want most of sharing my work – that you FEEL something – something of your own. There is no right or wrong way to experience art, it is for everyone, yet also deeply individual if you allow it to be.
At the risk of influencing your personal experience, I’d like to share what this poem means to me. I do this because it is important for me to be vulnerable and raw, to allow myself to be seen.
As I wrote this, I felt like a piece of driftwood floating helplessly in the ocean – no land in sight. I was dried up from the requests, demands, and desires of others. I felt used and taken advantage of. I was grappling with the life-long struggle of finding ways to be useful and have purpose yet not losing myself or compromising my values. In the midst of a loving family, and colleagues I truly liked and respected – there were times that I felt deeply alone.
At least half of how I was feeling was on me, these were choices I’d made, after all. Yet so many of the choices we make are made under pressure, or at the risk of impacting those we love. There is so little space for us to breathe, to pause and listen to the desires and needs that are ours alone. If you aren’t careful, the world will just keep taking and taking from you; happy to capitalize on the moments when you lack clarity or the resolve to push back.
As a strong, confident, capable, reasonably attractive woman, I seemed to be met with an endless list of things that others wanted from me. Often, these requests and demands cared nothing for my own well-being. They saw what I could do for them, how I could validate their existence, their manhood, or achieve their goals. They clawed at my body, demanded my time, and wasted my efforts with their absurdly inefficient systems.
It has taken me decades (& many mistakes) to understand the basics of what I need to be able to hear my own voice. I am still figuring it out. But I do know this – YOU are not for them. I am not for them. We are not here to cater to everyone else’s agendas. We are here to examine, refine, and continue to become who we truly are, without apology.
Quinn Steele 