This morning, as I made my coffee in the dark, I felt that old, familiar feeling – doubt. Doubt that anything is impacted, regardless of what I do. The feeling that it’s all silly bullshit that I make up just to keep myself busy. There is some truth to this, or those of us who aren’t fighting to stay alive another day, our lives ARE made up of silly bullshit we make up to keep ourselves busy. This is one, fatalistic, way to look at it. I’m a creative, I can be that way sometimes – dramatic, fatalistic. Sometimes I even enjoy wallowing around in those thoughts, it can be poetic, and I’ve always been a bit of a masochist. I enjoy pain that awakens me, that pushes me toward action or reignites my spark. There is something primal about it, something embedded deep in my animal self.
And yet…there is another truth, a truth that keeps me driving hard towards my goals, that pushes me to do more, to keep my mind and body healthy, to keep reaching for connection regardless of how many times I experience rejection.
It is also true that there are endless currents flowing constantly, like universal networks stretching across space and time, pulsing with energy and love. These currents are searching for us, for the open channels to continue their expansion. If your channel is closed, they simply find another path. If you don’t pursue your ideas and take action on your passions, they pass you over. You remain on the outside of the network.
We may enter and exit this current multiple times a day. There are times to connect and expand and there are times to rebuild and turn inward.
I am getting much better at moving from doubt to determination these days. The feeling of doubt is fleeting, and I can more easily and quickly identify the other, more powerful truth. Both of these truths connect me to you, to humanity, to the natural world. It is for the sake of fostering that connection, for jumping into the flow of energy, that I continue to take action.
I take action for me, for you, and for us. I want to be a part of that flow, but I also must remain true to myself. It can be a difficult balance at times, there are times that I need to withdraw in order to hear myself, to be sure that I’m following my truth and not being led by the current.
If you feel the doubt – know that you are not alone. Yet also know that what you do does matter, but you must choose it, you must act. It is up to you to choose action over safety or despair – I can’t wait to see what happens when you do!
Quinn Steele 