Until now, I’ve never really believed that simply because something matters to me, that is enough. So, I’ve spent a lifetime delivering other people’s goals.
It’s easy to get on board when the goal doesn’t belong to you. It’s not personal, even if you love the person whose goal it is, it isn’t yours to question, it doesn’t demand making a statement about who you are and what you care about.
When it comes to a goal that isn’t mine, I slay. I break barriers, deliver the impossible, ask for and am granted audacious things. I can do all this because I’ve learned how to be effective in an incredibly ineffective environment. I have achieved many successes in this arena and have grown and stretched myself in the process. And yet…
I know the truth. I know that while my work and career are an authentic expression of who I am, I’ve been hiding behind it to avoid setting a goal that demands more of me. A goal that I set for myself, and that I believe matters enough to see it through.
I’ve been too afraid to declare what matters to me, to really be seen. I’ve been too afraid that in the end, there is no place where I belong.
I’ve always been outspoken, but most of the time I wasn’t actually speaking out. I didn’t have the guts to say what I really meant, didn’t think it mattered, or assumed it wouldn’t make a difference. Sometimes, I just didn’t feel like being so obviously different, calling attention to the fact that I didn’t belong. Other times, I didn’t think I would be heard, or that anyone would listen or care. I dismissed my true feelings and beliefs with an “it doesn’t matter”, or “it’s not that important”.
Ultimately, this translates to a lifetime of telling myself that I didn’t matter and I wasn’t important.
This is where the pattern ends. I’m ready to declare what truly matters to me, to be seen, to stop apologizing for the space I take up, to drop the habit of retreating to the shadows as I progress the goals and desires of others.
I’m ready to build the habits of someone who slays at achieving goals that are personal to me, that express who I am and what I want to bring to this world.
Quinn Steele 