Two words: personal accountability.
If you want to get out from under the dark cloud, reverse your seemingly bad-luck, or get the god’s back in your favor – it starts with taking ownership. Ask yourself not what they can do for you, but what you can do for yourself…or what you’re doing to yourself.
I’m not saying that your life and your situation is entirely within your power – it’s not. There will always be shitty people, inefficient, corrupt systems, and natural disasters (among other things). But if you spend your life looking for someone to blame without also looking inside, you’re giving up your power. The more you fixate on the person, system, or entity that’s harmed you, the more power you give them.
There is a mountain of shite out there right now, each equally deserving of outrage. And meanwhile, the Buddhist monks on their walk for peace choose to focus on peace, love, and connection as they face the blistering cold, snow, and ice. They chose where to concentrate their energy – on peace, love, and connection rather than greed, corruption, violence, or injustice.
Many out there have been legitimately, horrendously wronged. Each of us has a choice about what to do with our experiences. We can choose to hold grudges, fight, forgive, fight and forgive, or forget. None of these is intrinsically right or wrong. There is always an “and also”. We can be wronged and yet forgive. We can be heartbroken and still choose to love again. We can carry scars of the past, and vow not to inflict them on others.
If you continue to search within, your external actions and choices will not be for naught. When you take accountability for yourself; for your thoughts, actions, and perspective – you hold the power. This is how you ensure that your actions matter, that they have an impact.
I’ve had cruel things done to me. I’ve been silenced, diminished, and taken advantage of. I consider myself fortunate that most of these were situations where I more or less had a choice. I wasn’t a child, overpowered, or incapable of escape. I own some of the accountability. I dated people who lied to me, manipulated me, and strong-armed me into doing things I didn’t want to do. My choices are on me. My continued tolerance of those behaviors is on me. If I ignored that, I would never make different choices.
It is my choice to forgive, to trust, to remain hopeful. That is my choice, and I make it with my eyes wide open. Sometimes I am disappointed or get hurt. I take the sadness and loss along with the joy and growth. I am at peace. I can feel love, and faith at the same time that I feel grief and sadness.
Here’s to holding onto our power.
Quinn Steele 